FAMILY MEMORANDUM: ISO 9000 Compliance: Street Crossing

Kids,

It may come as a surprise to some that our street-crossing performance hasn't been up to snuff over the past few weeks, but with a family ISO inspection coming up we're going to need to improve our technique and attention to detail significantly if we don't want to be found noncompliant and have our benefit allotments reduced.

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Here's a breakdown of the ISO 9000 requirements for safety and effectiveness in street-crossing.

1. Child must slow his/her gait to a casual walk within 2 meters of the crossing. Gait definitions can be found in the ISO 9000:2311 appendix (f), paragraph 30 line 8.

2. Child must attentively listen for traffic in a 180-degree radius for mid-road crossings, and a 360-degree radius for all crossings within 50m of an intersection. Child will be expected to rotate body and head to facilitate stereoaural comprehension of the vehicular environment.

3. Child must react to aural Vehicular Potential by reversing gait and placing a distance of 1.5m between body and edge of road. Child must then attempt to make visual contact with the Vehicle for a period of 30 seconds. VISUAL CONTACT WITH ARUAL VEHICULAR POTENTIAL IS MANDATORY PRIOR TO CROSSING.

4. Child must, assuming an Aural Vehicular Potential of zero, verify aural findings by conducting a visual 180/360-degree sweep as described in section 2. Child must lock head motionless at perigee and apogee of sweep to allow for environmental motion to be identified and accounted for. IF VISUAL VEHICULAR CONFIRMATION IS MADE, CROSSING IS PROHIBITED.

5. Child must verify through no fewer than three iterations of the above conditions that the crossing location has zero Vehicular Potential prior to attempting a crossing.

6. Child must cross street with speed and deliberation, with a Loping gait and at an angle perpendicular to the direction of traffic. Constant aural monitoring of Vehicular potential is expected for the duration of the crossing.

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Please read further memos for a description of street-crossing contingencies and street-crossing apparel requirements!

Love,
Dad